(duration 23:07) In this episode we delve into the nature of the guilt-tripper, the kind of inner critic that tends to say such things as “You should have done that, instead of this!” or “You shouldn’t have done that—what were you thinking!” This internalized aspect of conditional parenting seeks to keep us informed about how our choices and actions don’t live up to certain expectations or demands. Guilt, which involves moralistic judgment, relates to shame as well: The guilt-oriented notion that one did something “wrong” or “bad” lends itself to thinking of oneself as “wrong” or “bad,” for why would a “good” person do such a “bad” thing?
Nonviolent, or compassionate, communication educates us that blaming and shaming take us away from genuine feelings of remorse or regret, which can be constructively processed via helpful strategies that make amends and restore sacrificed needs. Being aware of new choices in the present assists in taking more life-enriching actions. Unfortunately, domination systems in our culture (such as the legal system) train us to think in terms of guilt or innocence, with punishments and rewards doled out accordingly. In this process we can lose an important sense of freedom. So, developing a compassionate, empathetic understanding of the distrustful roots of the guilt-tripper can help us heal this part. Here are a few sentence stems to provide 6-10 endings for:
If I were to feel free around food, I might…
If it turns out that I don’t have to guilt-trip myself in order to nourish my mind and body…
If I can grow out of this guilt-tripping dynamic, I might…
If blaming and shaming are tragic expressions of unmet needs…
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Kosheen – All in my head (Planet Funk Remix)
p.s., cover art above was gotten from:
The Best of Frank Costanza – https://youtu.be/7gVi-kIVY4I?t=204