Author: Wes

(duration 42:58) After covering Kev’s summer travels in Europe, in our second episode about shame we discuss the various aspects of shame and guilt. Since shame is the opposite of self-esteem, “healthy shame” isn’t really possible. Both shame and guilt are tragic ways to assess oneself and one’s actions (as well as others), which stem …

(duration 45:59) This is the first episode in our series on the nature of shame. After outlining the basic aspects of shame (i.e., the belief and sense that one is unworthy or flawed in some irredeemable way), we note that its antithesis is self-esteem; so, practicing the six pillars is vital. Shame mainly originates in …

(duration 30:09) In this episode we offer a summary of the nature of internal critical parts via the Internal Family Systems perspective. They can be viewed from the standpoint of managing exiled wounded aspects of us that got overwhelmed or harmed a long time ago. In turn, when others are critical of us and our …

(duration 23:43) The seventh and last inner critic we discuss is the inner controller, which tries to control various impulses and choices that might lead to ill effects, although it lacks trust in one’s biological drives and desires. The inner controller tends to use harsh strictures and even shaming tactics, which are indicative of developmental …

(duration 18:39) This time we discuss the kind of inner critic known as the taskmaster, which tries to keep one from being considered mediocre or lazy. It fears failure and thus pushes more and more, and it becomes a lot to live up to, sacrificing needs for ease, comfort, relaxation, inner peace, as well as …

(duration 19:45) In this episode we delve into the nature of the inner critic called the molder, which is formed early on in our minds, attempting to keep us from being abandoned, punished, shamed and shunned. The rules of authoritarian systems (be they in families, religions, schools, or governments) coupled with the punishment model tend …

(duration 18:42) In this episode we cover the nature of the inner critic identified as the destroyer. We can tragically internalize severe judgments against our self-worth early in life, in family and cultural systems. And this can lead to self-destructive behaviors and nihilism, as well as actions destructive of others and property. Internally, we can …

(duration 20:35) In this episode we explore the nature of the underminer, a major aspect of inner critic that directly diminishes self-confidence and self-respect, detracting from a sense of efficacy and worth. Self-trust gets undermined in the process too, and this is fostered by various domination systems, which question our worthiness, don’t honor our choices, …

(duration 23:07) In this episode we delve into the nature of the guilt-tripper, the kind of inner critic that tends to say such things as “You should have done that, instead of this!” or “You shouldn’t have done that—what were you thinking!” This internalized aspect of conditional parenting seeks to keep us informed about how …

(duration 15:24) As we explore various “inner critics,” we’re basically identifying parts that represent aspects of unhealed developmental trauma. In this episode we cover the voice of the perfectionist, which sets oftentimes unreasonable standards and expectations that don’t allow us to live freely with creative ease and peace of mind. Even though doing something “perfectly” …