It’s obvious that your co-workers are projecting their own unresolved issues onto you, by conveying that you are the abnormal one—needing to be “fixed” or even force fed! (that really speaks volumes about their unresolved issues). So, if you talk about your way of eating and exercising, they respond in a negative fashion…hmm. Yet, it seems that regardless of whether or not you talk about that, they still want you to do what they are doing, that is, eating unhealthily and treating their bodies like crap. There seems to be intense psychological pressure to make you feel like an outcast, like you’re doing something wrong that offends them.

Clearly, they know that their habits are unhealthy, and your way of life basically stands as an affront to them. So, they are seeking a way to get you to change in order to minimize their own self-conflict, or cognitive dissonance. I’m a big fan of self-assertiveness (it’s one of the six pillars of self-esteem), so whenever someone criticizes me about doing something they don’t like, I really try to explore the nature of that criticism. I commend you for sticking to what you know is best, in the face of your close crowd of opposition. Being independent takes courage. Given this, you might address expllicitly the psychology of being independent and emotional understanding whenever they bring up the eating or “you’re so skinny” subject.

For instance, you could say:

“I understand that you feel distressed or anxious over my own good health, but I want you to know that while it doesn’t come easy at first, I wouldn’t trade it for my old ways of doing things. And personally, because I value all of you [or whomever you're addressing] I think you would find it equally beneficial and satisfying! What drawbacks do you see in it?”

Or:

“I’m really interested to know why you don’t seek to treat your own body like a temple…since I know you wouldn’t want your patients to do unhealthy things to themselves. How do you feel about the fact that you also deserve to be in great shape and be healthy? Do you feel like you don’t deserve this? [or, if you want to go deeper, you could ask: Did your parents send the preposterous message to you that you don't deserve to be healthy?]”

Or:

“I know it must be tough to see me being concerned about what to eat and what not to eat (and exercise), but I believe that you too can join the “skinny” club! :) How do you feel about that?”

Or:

“I can tell that what I’m doing, even though it’s healthy, somewhat bothers you. Why do you suppose that is? Surely, you’re not against being healthy and living optimally? There’s no need to settle for anything less, after all! Now, this kind of makes me wonder why I haven’t been letting you know how I feel about what isn’t good for you, especially since I care about you?”

All of these statements will probably provoke some very interesting interactions. ;) I’m my experience when I’ve asserted myself in this direct way (on other issues as well), the other person has tempered their tone and become respectful, maybe even inquisitive. The point is to make them consciously aware of their motivations for wanting you to conform, even though they are aware of them implicitly (otherwise they wouldn’t be doing it).

I think a lot of obese people take poor self-image issues as the given, and then they spend their lives eating in accordance with that. So, the bad eating stems from a fundamental conflict they have within themselves. Fortunately, these conflicts can be overcome! A person just needs the motivation to change, which entails understanding that change is in the realm of possibility.

Knowledge is power, and it’s probably the case that many of your co-workers don’t grasp the role that carbohydrates and insulin play in their high body fat levels. They probably don’t realize that just by changing what they eat, they can achieve their perfect weight; exercise is just an added bonus to one’s health. Of course, they may still resist coming to terms with their issues, seeing various psychological “payoffs” for staying overweight. But making things explicit can only help matters.

Best wishes, and feel free to report back,
W

I’ll contact you through your site, so we can fine-tune the program.

Cheers,
Wes

Amy let me know she mentioned my film “Fat Head” during the podcast. Perhaps we should talk about doing an interview sometime … ? Thanks for the tweets.

Best,
Tom Naughton